Back in February, I “came out” as it were as an “open and affirming” chaplain. It’s had an interesting effect on my ministry. Over the last few months, after leaving the prison and going to my mid-career Army chaplain school, it’s been revealing just what that means for me.
1. It means being an ally every day – for example, yesterday, when I took this picture in front of the Circular Church in Charleston, SC, one chaplain made a comment about the “interesting colors.”
I replied by saying how cool it was that when this church said they welcomed everyone, they meant it. Another chaplain made a comment about the size of the church, something like, “Well, no wonder they are dying since they left the truth” – or words to that effect. I gently questioned if he was saying that there were not conservative churches dying across the country? Then pointed out that this church, unlike many others, had been around since the 1600s.
Conversation quickly moved on.
I’m not a quick-witted person; I wish I had zingers that I could throw out there, but I’ve realized that the best way to advocate for others is to simply tell the other story, counter the embedded narrative and to do it in love.
2. It means being gentle and allowing people to grow in their time. Not everyone is ready for their theology to be drastically confronted. To be clear, I am much harder on chaplains than any other group since they, of all people, should understand treating others with dignity and respect – and should be able to handle having their theology questioned. Sometimes, I’m gentle in poking holes in arguments or reflecting what a statement might sound like to an LGB* Soldier – other times, I just lay it out there and watch the sparks fly.
Either way, I try valiantly to couch all advocacy in love.
But bullying – that I confront. There is too much to loose.
3. It means saying it out loud. I’ve talked to more chaplains about this subject than any other. Saying, “Well, look. I’m open to everyone, if they would just talk to me, reach out to me, they would find that I’m a loving and caring individual.”
That’s not enough.
And it’s not going to happen.
Here’s the thing: when dealing with those who have been battered and bullied by theology and churches for this long – we need to be clear and direct about how we, as clergy, will interact with them. If you are truly welcoming, then say it and be specifically inclusive. Let people know who you are welcoming to, and how you will treat them when they come to you. Put up signs. Make statements.
4. It means being an ally for everyone. I have found that it’s not just LGB* Soldiers that need an ally – I try to use my limited status, power, and responsibility as an Army chaplain/officer to be an ally for all minority groups I come across. Minority faith groups need intentionality. Women, other ethnicities – it means separating from a joke, even the well meaning ones – because joking from a position of power and majority sounds an awful lot like bullying.
It means saying something.
And that is where it’s actually the hardest.
I think the most important lesson I’ve learned about being an O&A chaplain is this: being an advocate for others requires more than just big statements and signs on my door, it means taking the small opportunities to talk to others, challenging assumptions, and lovingly letting others know:
You are welcome here.
By the way, this blog inspired me to write this morning. Good thoughts.
*I say LGB since the Army has yet to allow Trans Soldiers to serve openly, though it’s looking at the problem.
4 thoughts on “An Ally Every. Single. Day.”
Jonathan: Thank you for your continued good works. Not sure if you have visited the Facebook page for the Forum on the Military Chaplaincy and liked us, but if not, I would invited you to do so. If you contact me at my email address, I would be happy to tell you about our work. Blessings.
Yes! I follow your group and appreciate what you do.
Beautiful post. Powerful welcoming Statement. Thanks for sharing.
Just a note in regard to Circular Church: we are a growing and thriving progressive congregation. Just this year, we had to add an early service to make room for folks on Sunday morning. We aim to be a place of welcome for all — and endeavor to keep widening the Circle.
Michael (Circular Church Congregation President)
Thanks for sharing that. When we were there I got the distinct impression that it was a going concern. Clearly, you all are doing great things at the church.